FACE YOUR FEAR ON REAL LAW RADIO
Anne Adoryan - March 6, 2010
Face Your Fear: Annie Get Your Gun
I parked on a side street next to a daycare center. Before I had even opened my car door I could hear shots - pop. I paused for a moment, could that really be the range? I wasn't more than 150 feet from the building, but neither were the other houses, a hairdresser and some other small businesses. I tried to imagine walking down the street - pop - dropping my kids off at daycare - pop pop - getting home from work at night - pop. I realized quickly that unlike me, everyone in the area must have become accustomed to the presence of firearms, and that was only the beginning.
I entered the shop with my work bag and purse in tow. The walls of the crowded, cozy shop were layered to the ceiling with accessories of every kind. I felt awkward, like I had just walked in on a conversation I was never meant to hear. I spotted my contact immediately as the only other woman in the place. She smiled and pointed me towards another room where classes were usually taught. My stomach dropped when she turned and I saw the size of the gun holstered just above her back right jean pocket. I didn't know then that an hour later I'd be firing her weapon just feet from where we were standing.
I spoke with the owner and his fiance, the woman I had spoken with on the phone, the one with the .45 strapped to her belt. She is the Concealed Carry Instructor and would be the one teaching me about handguns soon afterward. Once I had gotten my questions answered the woman placed two guns in front of me. I recognized one as a revolver, while the other looked more like a kids toy. She explained that what I was actually looking at was a "22" and a revolver, that although it looked brand new was actually decades old.
I learned how to hold a gun. I learned how to load a gun. I learned how to aim a gun. When I was ready we moved over to the range so that I could learn how to shoot a gun for the first time.
I had seen this done a hundred times in movies and on TV. Take an authoritative stance, raise the gun, rattle off a cliche cop-phrase and fire! Except for the verbal action-hero dramatics, I was startlingly close to the truth. Stand with feet shoulder width apart, lean forward slightly, grip the gun with wrists firm, aim and shoot.
The aiming took the longest. The actual shot was quick and far less orgasmic than I had anticipated. Granted, I was firing at a piece of paper and not ridding the world of evildoers, but relief was not my first feeling. It was fear.
Good fear. The kind of fear you feel at the bottom of the first hill of a roller coaster. Each shot after that was a smaller hill until I had emptied the magazine and metaphorically pulled into the station. The more powerful handguns were much the same, they take you on a slightly bigger ride. I laughed to myself when I returned to the smallest gun. I wondered, what had I been so afraid of?
I had a good time learning about guns and I had an even better time using them, but I knew I hadn't yet conquered all my fears. I'm still afraid of the power of guns in the wrong hands. I'm afraid of the possibilities guns present to people who use them in times of weakness. And I'm afraid that guns are used to answer questions that we don't know how to answer any other way. I realized I'm more afraid of the user than of the weapon being used. I'm more afraid of the faults in human behavior that lead to unnecessary force again another or oneself. It may take me years to understand that fear, but I know now that I am not afraid of guns.